How my Union was Sabotaged by my Narcissistic Lineage

& How I healed it definitively inside Harmonious Union – and you can too!

I survived my childhood and then went to study in another city. Within a short while I broke mentally-emotionally-physically down. This had happened before in earlier times in my life once in middle school, and once in primary school, but you always just had to do as if everything was fine, I knew that was the scenario for my role in my family and life as a child so I complied with that expectation and made my suffering acceptable to my surroundings somehow. I was a very gifted child and highly intelligent also and this also allowed me to put on an acceptable face when things weren’t right to an enough degree.

But this time I went to the psychologists of the university, which might have been suggested by my then boyfriend if I remember correctly. This would for sure explain why I can’t come up with another reason how I would’ve thought to do so, as I’m pretty sure that would’ve not come from my upbringing. But anyways I went and I must’ve gotten a couple talks to give them the opportunity to make out what was going on with me. I wasn’t briefed on how this would go or what psychology speak was and such things; at this time I can hardly remember going there and even less of what was discussed.

But here’s the thing: they eventually came up with a sort of a diagnose and the cure of that was that I came from a pretty narcissistic family. They send me off with a copy of the essay “The drama of the gifted child” by famous narcissistic abuse author Alice Miller and arranged for me to go have a range of conversations with a private therapist that they collaborated with. It speaks of being used by a narcissistic parent which makes it it so that you can’t develop your own personhood because your shell needs to be available for the needs of the narcissist. Even though that now makes sense, at the time I just wasn’t sure if it was my fault or not and this confusion did not heal until much later in life. This is added assurance that I actually indeed was a narcissistic abuse victim, but I didn’t know that at the time.

Or… maybe I intellectually understood, but I couldn’t truly process what it meant and I certainly couldn’t process the real trauma I was as a result walking around with until much later. I was used to hearing that everything was my fault and that I was the problem, and I was very eager to accept this scenario, because I knew the consequences would otherwise be much worse such as being beaten or only psychologically beaten. These consequences I would not have been able to able to pronounce at that time at all, it would merely have felt like a very urgent feeling of imminent danger when you’d transgress the line that protected the narcissist, and you simply had learned to not do this, in a way from which now only the fear was left to feel. I guess that is in the end the advantage of being correctly entrained: the fear just keeps you in line.

Only much later I would over time ome to understand this is all deeply wrong and called abuse, and the result called trauma, CPTSD. And even when I understood that, I still needed much time and even incredible effort to understand that that means it is morally wrong, and that morally wrong means that you don’t need to have anything to do with it, and that that means boundaries are in order… I genuinely had no concept of or experience with all of this. I think I just knew the incredible despair and frustration that I was being subjected to from my early childhood into adolescence and very young adulthood and I knew that there was nothing that could be done about that and that was it, you just had to suck it up, end of story. That was how I was raised after all. Only much later I understood my childhood anecdotes meant something different and they were actually having the clearly discernible rhythm of the story arc of narc abuse that every fellow victim recognizes for themselves.

Let me describe some typical crazy making narc acts for how I experienced them to give you an idea of how I had gotten there:

When I was born, my mother immediately turned the order of action of parenting around and narc-hacked the natural tendency of a child to love its parents and to bond with their caregivers to mean that she would get attention herself now. She would interpret crying as manipulation and leave you to cry alone because that was so called good for you, you would learn your lesson not to put your little baby games on her again (disproven by brain science that shows that the baby collapses into withdrawal eventually, they can’t soothe themselves as that is biologically given so the brain shuts off because of the overload of pain it experiences, this is true torture and goes again a normal non-psychiatric mothers instinct). I guess she could feel satisfied in her sadism like that because it did after all gave her the emotional fuel she needed as the life blood for her narcissism. This was also a trend of the seventies and eighties but the doesn’t mean it wasn’t her narcissism that actually believed it. It doesn’t mean it is not narcissistic and/or abusive: it is.

My mother sexually assaulted my brother as a very young child who then did it to me. That is a fact I had to retrieve entirely from reasoning all the way back from the very specific trauma results I experienced, in combination with what I remembered of that time and general psychological knowledge and insight. She must have gone over his physical-emotional-sexual boundaries in “subtle” ways because that’s what he did to me and it is normal for children to do what they parent does, act out what was being done to them, do to their peers what was done to them by adults. My brother “was bedwetting” so called, so there was a lot of attention at his crotch let’s say; a symptom of being under high stress itself, that was a revert in development or a non-progression, that could’ve come from in appropriate behavior in itself already, but that was also desired because of the sexual undertone of the new issue, creating a circle. My brother would now do to me what was done to him: going over my physical boundaries, go too far in “tickle death” and later touching my breasts from a position of having sneaked up behind me in the bathroom when I was washing myself, later in being sexually peeked at when I was naked in the bathroom via outside climb actions, later this went further and further and I actually don’t feel comfortable giving the graphic details of that here of the escalating abuse that went up in the natural progression of sexual awakening of a preteen and teenager.

My narcissistic mother would help me search for something in my story to help me but she did it herself. She knew at one time that my brother was wrongly treating me with sexual things and he was talked to but that didn’t do much at all because the whole entrainment was wrong, there were still no boundaries in the home, in behavior, your needs and feelings still didn’t matter even one bit, there was still emotional control and so on, so in effect nothing happened, as also the traumatic upbringing had already done its job in forming the inner patterns that the family still supported. But anyway I had come to speak of it again when I was around 27 at the specific request of my spiritual teacher I had at that time and she then took it upon herself to “search for if the sexual assaulter also had done it to my sister” and what not, foregoing the fact SHE did that, doing as if the assaulter was outside of herself. Now, it is my conclusion that she is the head narc and the main perpetrator, and these confrontations actually confirmed that for me eventually. But what wanted to get at is that it is a typical narc move to “help you search for the hair clip they themselves threw away” or in this case, help find the fullness of the crimes of the assaulter without letting on that that was actually herself.

My mother would use me to unload her emotions and dark parts, so I was the one that was criticized for being egotistical, ungrateful, dumb, uncollaborative, unsocial and what not. Everything that was negative, such as anger and grief, sadness and shame, was all my possession, so she could wash her hands off them. She in other words needed me badly to be her projection screen for all of the characteristics and emotions that she couldn’t take responsibility for inside of herself. It was also a way to make me smaller, especially when I grew up more and more and exceeded her looks, intelligence and skills clearly. And guess what, I indeed din’t really want to socialize with this monster that slapped me psychologically speaking in the face all the time, so I indeed made sure to be out of her way. And guess what I started to look more angry and stressed because of it indeed – can you imagine…

The narc is also a stalker. This is why my brother would sexually stalk me, it mus have first happened to him somehow, or it comes from the sense of that you are only allowed to be yourself or have your needs met in secrets so that ads to your personality morphing into stalker behavior perhaps. My mother stalked my house for her attention when I as a grown up had come back to live in the old town again in my own flat. But this also felt to be the case with for instance things like standing below the stairs when I was a teenager, hearing the shower above, and waiting until you came out to then scold you loudly because of you wasting water. Later it became also wasting toilet paper. Because our needs did not matter, and needed to be ridiculed, our most basic ones were favored for that such as showering and going to the toilet. Excuses were the environment and money but these things were not reasonable. And what else would you do when you’d try to find some therapy without calling it that, in a household were you’re emotionally abused every second of the day would you not want to look at the soothing warm water for some good moments. But no, you were over your allotted 7 minutes already ages ago and now deserved a scolding, preferably while still inside the shower. Oh and that reminds me of the screaming and throwing of things. The screaming through the entire house, because why would you respectfully walk up to someone, knock a door and politely ask what you wanted if you could also scream orders through the entire house?!

I was to pay for my parents need for safety literally on weeks long summer holidays spend in tiny car and caravan. They they wouldn’t let me sleep in a tent of my own, it simply needed to be the shared tent with my brothers because my mother said so end of story, so I needed to be assaulted for weeks again so they could spare a couple tenners on camp costs – or at least that what I was made to believe. Not that were were poor – far from that, they had literally hundreds of thousands in the bank collecting dust. Oh for sure it was for their old day and what not – so responsible and a very reasonable thing to do for professionals making good money – but they did not account for the immediate needs of their children that weren’t even far above absolute poverty line ideas. This then also skewed my view on money as a result.

My mother would start to care for other peoples small children that don’t recognize her abuse to satisfy her own need for emotional dumping and getting fresh energy in return. She started doing this when her own children, among which me, were getting more independent, like 10-12-15 years, so she could access new blood that wouldn’t understand how they were abused in every move – because young children don’t, and they have no protection shields. Leaving children behind that were still beyond desperate for even one single moment of true recognition of her, one segment of true unconditional love from her, hungry for her to finally end some true positive time with them. But no, she had moved on to her new recruits. And it doesn’t matter if these schoolfriend from my sister or my nieces and nephews were not worthy of some basic care by an extra adult (that she was for them), or that I personally would not want their families to have the relief they deserved through it and what not. It was still a huge abandonment for her own direct children that were not nurtured yet at all. It wasn’t that were were fulfilled so now there was some extra emotional space to spread the love, no it was her extending her hunting grounds for the craved narc fuel. Now I can see this, but as a child, I was juts angry in a very subdued way and stuffed it all away, lived the way I was supposed to without complaining – because I couldn’t for the life of me phrase what was not given even though the heart had felt it to be a first class disaster.

I was mostly an obedient silent gifted young child turning arrogant and lonely as teenager from all the neglect – besides my obsessions with surrogate mothers and fathers to so called protect myself. Not that I would’ve been able to pronounce this at that time – not at all, because there was “of course nothing wrong with our family”. And the rest was that you were the issue yourself.

She would steal my identity and friends, boyfriends and work connected people for her own consumption without regard for how that was for me. How does a narc steal your identity? By associating themselves with your talent of gift, or hobby in an unhealthy way, so they have their own sense of self closely related to the fact you are having and doing and that makes the by association also having and doing exactly that. I remember how she reacted to me being in the choir and later in ballet class and piano as well. It was all about that. Now, the ballet went really far, it was extensive, and we would perform all the time, it was reasonable high ended, artistic and public. I even made it to being on TV. This for me only resulted in feeling shame and guilt. And having a mother who would want to play the tape for other people or my boyfriends when they would visit kind of thing. When I look back, I see something that was covert at that time: she had a sick fascination with the body, gymnastics, she stalked professional gymnasts by the way, these were other people then me, she would’ve wanted to be a ballet dancer or gymnast herself as a child is what I now believe. I had merely felt her shame and guilt. Oh and by the way I was also ridiculed for the very same TV dance performance (it was on the national news and remember that in the eighties and nineties TV had prominence and at the same time had far less channels than now); so it was good, it was used (tapped for my energy, squeezed for every drop of attention that could got to the narc) plus it was also ridiculed, which made the narc be elevated above it and me, by diminishing me: a classic narc tactic also.

Would you not listen to her view of life and (covertly communicated) desired actions then you’d be simply beaten, so compliance was obtained by physical fear, and this has worked for the rest of my childhood even though she didn’t dare to beat you anymore after you became big enough to hurt her back significantly. You became too big to physically fight, so it was cowardly also in that regard. Compliance was gotten by fear or retaliation of social exclusion also, or – again – physical attack in some way. It is scientifically proven that this hurts a child emotionally deeply and has a negative impact for decades afterwards in their entire development.

The abuse would result in me obsessing (wrong approach) over the wrong guy (wrong guy) in the initial years I was in the daily vicinity of my True Twin Flame (when I was a teenager, we were teenagers) at middle school. This would again invite the criticism of my mother who knew what was wrong with me of course, even though she could not see she was the cause of it instead of the just criticaster that took the moral high ground over the victim trauma behavior I was displaying, which was according to her resolutely my own fault. I was a faulty person after all, and she would point that out to me and anyone who would care to hear it. I remember coming close to the boy I was wanting that was the wrong guy seen from the Union perspective, and being stunned by his so very kind family. They would sit together at Saturday evening and play a board game AND IT WOULD ACTUALLY BE NICE, yes that needed to be stressed, because we did such things perhaps at Christmas as well, once a year but whatever we did was never nice, it never had a good feel about it, around it, emotionally there was an off-sphere, and that was the grand difference. This is then also the reason I see looking back, that I would try to bond with other people where it felt much more possible to have a real relationship, but this was done with my enmeshed attitude that had been poured into me and thus went wrong besides the fact it was socially not only awkward but displaced AND it never worked out of course… But the need to form attachment where it seemed safe was a blind drive of the unconscious inner child of me. I was also punished for this because my parents felt in a sense correctly I was trying to get what they couldn’t provide somewhere else and that brought shame to the family as it would out them as emotionally inadequate. That’s why it was forbidden also, so it needed to take place secretly.

When I finally lived on my own all of the former resulted in a life full of boundary breaking physical and sexual behavior and complete confusion: it had groomed me into the perfect victim of many forms of more or less predatory people of all kinds and sizes and/or the projected feeling that I was the victim of that where that was perhaps not so. This was all not understood by me though; it is judgement looking back. I was largely but not fully incapable of vulnerability, trust and honesty even though I also joined many years and endless hours of very sensitive and spiritual yoga and meditation, while successfully leaving my trauma out of things entirely: a way of splitting that I was trained into profoundly and was extremely hard to come out of. I was not insincere in my yoga and meditation, I did have a genuine inner connection that I could access indeed and this was fantastic to have that be established more in that context. It was just that it couldn’t connect in the real world with real bevroor, emotionalize, relationships, social life, because that level of life was not available for me, not opened up for me. I did notice this, but I couldn’t make sense of how to resolve it, because it would mean to acknowledge that I was emotionally abused, had trauma and all kinds of screaming big problems in this area that I wasn’t ready to face. It felt to me more like “yeah I just undergo these social life things and I can’t really have ownership there but okay I guess that must be what everyone experiences somewhat and who knows it gets better one day but I do have these genuine spiritual experiences and that’s what I’m living for, it’s true and that is enough”. And it WAS genuine, but it wasn’t enough.

When I would summarize the underlying principles of the entire experience I would say words such as control, lies, stealing, hypocrisy, immaturity, enmeshment, no-boundaries, punishment, injustice, incestuous, fear, joyless, materialism, godlessness, fakeness, entertainment (instead of real meaning), consumerism, secrets, empty, despair, assault, stalking, unsafe, anger, grief, guilt, shame, abandoned, lack, not-explained-anything (untaught, self-raised, alone), unconnected, unbased, ridiculed, contempt, porn, being objectified, agoraphobia, feeling raped, being robbed of my dignity, disrespectful, used, always criticized, put down, chronic dysregulation, inability to make decisions. Online narcissistic expert H.G. Tudor says narcissists are always out for control, fuel, character traits and residual benefits (money, sex and so on) and they never go around spreading love because they have none. I researched the 10 traditional Christian commandments and they do say that this is not alright with God, to go short, particularly also not when it is your parents. So as a result of deep intellectual and experiential spiritual study I did under professional guidance, I can safely announce that it is all morally wrong and socially abject. You can trust that. God has the same opinion about that – and the Bible is full of stories that show you exactly that (you just hadn’t thought of it like that as of yet).

All the facts of my story were “of course not happening” when you’d ask the narc; you were brainwashed to believe it was not so, this was the sauce that covered everything and the covert contract I closed with my mother that made me co-responsible for my own continual emotional, mental and physical torture. After all, I agreed with it as being normal, although I as a small child already knew something was wrong but that didn’t reach my sphere of acting and behavior because that would be punished so I still effectively tortured myself, this becoming the base MO for my adult life as a result as wel. I would torture myself because that was how I was supposed to be treated, was the norm and thinking and doing otherwise would betray my parents parenting, their ‘standing’ and ‘respect’. I had signed for my abuse, so in that sense it didn’t exist or I would expose my own complicity: a good strategy to keep your abuse hidden. It’s truly quaint how the narc is able to ‘unconscious’ have such deeply effective strategies while appearing to the outside world as if they don’t exist.

I’m sure we were, I was (I have siblings), annoying as a child, as we were accused of often. Because we were not emotionally fed, only with fakeness, with lies and with stealing as the only strategy go get something you needed. We were starved aof genuine connection and love and this for sure makes children behave annoyingly, I can see that. It was self-created by my complaining parents themselves though; we were just children biologically expecting what children expect: fulfillment of basic needs in an atmosphere of unconditional love. But nevertheless we were punished for the result of her own actions or non-actions. The whole idea is that you have something to offer as a parent, and offer it unconditionally, that’s how it organically works between parents and children in general, but that reality was turned upside down in the narc mode of my family. The father of all lies was for sure the spiritual leader of my parents created family.

Now I also did a lot wrong but here’s the thing: I didn’t raise myself to these faults, I was the child in the scenario AND I am the only one that later on had genuine contrition, went to therapy and fulfilled a full spiritual healing. You can’t say that about the other party by a long shot. Though I have to say the only thing that really healed me of both my many and deeply engrained victim symptoms as well as my perpetrator similarities I had eventually unwittingly assimilated from the parent(s) (as is normal for children as this is the inherent biological reflex of being raised, and also for narc abuse victims in general because they hack your desire to be liked and connected this way), was pointing at myself alone via the second half of the KEY tool for Twin Flame inner work, and stopping to try to heal them, to save them, accuse them or try to control their behavior (but I had installed simple but effective boundaries at that time). This is how I left the drama triangle completely and simply became myself – for the first time of my life.

There were some truly horrific side effects of the abuse and that was first of all that all the adults around me would not see it, not care or even say things like “but she doesn’t mean it that bad”, “but they would not want you to be without food so ask them money”, “they wouldn’t mean to be mean so go to them and talk it out”. This was the most crazy making of it all, together with the societal expectation that says that you shouldn’t criticize your parents of course. Because the narc actually does mean to be mean, as they feed off of the emotional juice that squeezes out of the victim; the narc does mean to make you suffer a lack of fundamentals and so on. Secondly there was of course my father who did nothing significant about it, which I only later understood was crucial, because a father is the end boss of the family, and this (apparently) happened under his (non-) leadership, no matter if he “would not have wanted this” – he apparently still did allow it and that is reality (he also never said that, it was hypothetical). The betrayal was consequently profound. Gosh, where would all these father issues stem from as well? ;-(

You have to additionally understand a narc is narc 100% of the time, also when they are kind. This is perhaps the saddest realization about it all that only seeped through after a long time of healing effort had already gone down. It is really depressing to finally get the full revelation that everything was a farce, not only parts of your experiences were bad. The entirety of it was simply fake.

These behaviors including the over-arching idea that it was alright-enough to pass for normal was not new in my parents generation of course; it was in fact a continuation of what both my mother and father had experience as a child and their parents before them and so on. Some may say “every generation has its own way of acting and it is different at will”, it’s okay in other words, and you are not any better, you can do it your way perhaps. But that is not true, they did not need to do it like that, I healed it and I am just a normal person, so they would have been able to do that also. When I could not listen to harmful psychological acts in social life by doing therapy and reading the right books, doing the Twin Flame inner work, go to a spiritual teacher and follow guidance, be persistent with the real healing that was required… they could’ve also. They could’ve made the choice to heal multi-generation trauma, because I did that and I am a normal person, so they could’ve done that too. They had time and money so they would’ve been able to spend it on learning and healing also, we weren’t dirt poor at all, rather wealthy let’s say high middle class income but the content economically was more of independent profession that my father had and my mother was basically home, so that would’ve practically worked as well. So no, they didn’t do the best they could, they weren’t understandable victims of their own generational trauma that were helpless, because then I would’ve been helpless as well, and eventually I wasn’t (even though it took me every power in my being to eventually be able to choose health and it costed me all my time and money for a couple decades, and I wasn’t as rich as they were during this healing episode by a LONG LONG LONG shot which also meant I did not have the time because nobody cared for me or was my partner in that sense, but I did it anyway).

Event though this article is quite long already, this is only a very short list to give an impression; reality was much more elaborate, as it was continual. When I healed it all eventually, all the awful insulting and psychology breaking things that my mother had said to me continually as a child, trying to put me down, so she could feel ‘up’ herself, I re-heard all of it ascending from my heart reaching my brain so I heard it literally all in my head, to then finally go away after I had consciously heard it with my adult brain. For instance. There was much much much more but that would take far too long for a blog post and eventually it would even be super boring. Who wants to listen to the endless tales of your every day family abuse? See: another reason why I was shut up about it all for decades in social situations about it all. It IS repulsively awful AND boring to hear it all. Nobody wants to spend time on that, and I knew that very well. More reason for trauma, indeed.

I do have 1 happy memory, (the only time) when she allowed us together to eat fried fish on the weekly market when I was around 5 years old, that was not giving her the beter food over me, or gave me necessarily less food then her or that I’d have wanted to punish me (‘unconsciously’) and she had a good emotional day. This I can savor. Additionally, I recently have watched many old photo’s of the world famous Diana, Princess of Wales from the eighties and I see my mother in her there. Perhaps a lot because of the fashion look of their time, the similar hairstyles that were the norm for that time and so on, they were similar in age at that time, they were surrounded by young children around that time, but I don’t really care. I think what speaks to me is how I did see her as a young child, that she was beautiful in her own way, just like Di (who was in the papers and/or gossip magazines that my mothers mother read, that we visited a lot), almost every day at that time, and that is a memory of beauty that I truly love. I am fond of beauty, I value it, I have an esthetic eye, I always had it and I understand and see myself better when I can acknowledge this right now. This came into being after I healed myself to such a degree that I could see myself as beautiful too, finally, after decades. Such healing…

Looking from outside, I had a wealthy childhood, in the chique neighborhood with a (at least luke-) warm room and (tasteless, not enough an unnutricious but still warm) food every day, relatively expensive hobbies and good education paid by them, 3 holidays per year in other countries but I guarantee you that doesn’t matter when the message inside all these things is that you aren’t even worthy of being a human being, having basic respect. You can pay for ballet and piano classes but still treat your child lovelessly or as part of a strategy that benefits your mother in her narc needs instead of yours. Does that makes the expensive lessons then somehow loving and healthy? Well it was certainly okay to have food and a room and a high education, and some hobbies, I can see that, and it benefits me still, but the soft skills inside of that were completely wrecking me inside that okay form and that was crucially abusive, what traumatized me for decades following, creating one traumatizing situation after the other in my relationships with anyone, the disability to make significant money and when I finally was able to fully process it, it took me a hand full of years full time to work through the literal anger and tears that came out of my system, my nervous system, my brain, my muscle memory and what not. I awoke night after night reliving the sexual assault episodes for hours until it organically ceased. Who says only combat soldiers have PTSD? Even though I do not desire to diminish theirs even one hair, or anyone else’s for that matter. We can’t compare suffering like that.

This stuff eats away at you in more regards than you’d easily come to think of. For instance, we went on so many holidays looking at architecture and art in countries in Europe when I was a child and this had an air of niceness for me for sure, I had a feeling for esthetics and so on. But honestly, because of the continual emotional stress I was under, in fact I did not even remember any of it later on. Many people would take holidays across the border to make beautiful educational outings and family memories for a lifetime, but I couldn’t remember anything, because your memory doesn’t correctly function at all when you are emotionally traumatized while it happens. You can’t savor it because it was all missing love, also. I have to say after I made full recovery after some years, on my own work alone, I did get some memories back and in a version stripped of their traumatizing content, which is nice. Perhaps more will be freed up over time, as I now in Harmonious Union and without the trauma start to see more of what God truly had communicated to me in Love all this time, and this cleansed every part of my life.

My Twin Flame cleansed all my formerly lived life in fact, because looking back he was always there for me, he had always been and this was revealed for me. He had just been patiently waiting for me while I was chasing the wrong guy at school that lived in his street. This is what released me off all of this drab. It was him who uncovered my true life story of me, under the narc abuse was still the original me after all. I was still alive and I resurrected my identity how I was always meant to be, in Divine Glory.

The eventual crux was however that I had as a soul chosen to learn to unfuck myself through this tortured life, so I could eventually choose to connect the dots, be with my Twin Flame AND in emotional-mental-physical health with that too, be ++ (see also this video: https://youtu.be/x4VdiJpbqZs) as it were, inner and outer would be in alignment and I would’ve had full Divine clarity on what it was not. This may sound contradictory and difficult to accept, but that is the reason that you need Twin Flame coaching. The central KEY tool for the necessary Twin Flame inner work holds the turnaround for a reason, and this – perhaps surprising – is the result of that. And you can do it too. I believe in you!

I healed not only my Union but also 7 generations of ancestors through the healing into Harmonious Union and 7 into the future also. And you can do this too. You’ll be an immeasurable hero indeed while becoming the humble human being that falls simply into their original blueprint of being a Twin Flame. You’ll finally be profoundly happy and create an eternal happy legacy, I promise.

Everything will be revealed to you before you let it all go and reach the fruit of your Harmonious Union, on the twin Flame journey, also for you, and I hope to contribute to your own clarity by having shared a bit about mine.

So what happened with my parents? They are currently still alive and live their retirement in which they make some international travels to their liking, have some other hobbies and have enough money to buy themselves all the care they would want and need. I forgave them from my heart for my own profound peaceful results I live emotionally-spiritually and have physical-social boundaries with them. I have mourned the loss of my childhood and I self-parent; I have mourned the loss of my parents as if they are already dead. This is how I can give them the love of God that combines correctly with emotional health: they can choose to go in-relationship, meaning apologize, go in therapy, have contrition, go to church and work that out with God, work on regaining trust for a couple years before it may (but is not guaranteed) be rebuild, but as of now they won’t. Not because I want to control them, but because that’s how normal healthy people live and act.

I do make use of their monetary fortune for how much it is accessible to me, as I currently also am not easily able to forego that anymore or it will make me homeless instantly (not that I am looking to forego my fate whatever it is but this was not my guidance from God until today). I have learned to accept my riches wherever they come from as it is Gods will to have a foundation in safety in society, a base to develop further from and I accept who and what wants to contribute to that fundament otherwise I would reject Gods Will. I will feel my feelings about what reality gives and this is my formula to be truly free to access my destiny and live my Twin Flame Mission for you, that will eventually take me to entirely new (financial and relational) places also. We’re developing that as we speak and that is good enough and how I can grow. This is my way of spiritually-psychologically be healthy.

I am perfecting currently my way of not seeing their faults at all, the way ACIM described this possibility. I am on my way. This will eventually make the entire ordeal disappear entirely as if it didn’t even happen in the first place. I believe all steps need to be lived through though. It is possible that the completion of the perfection of my forgiveness reaches me and who knows what the action then will be. How did I reach where I am now again, healed and all? I did the KEY tool for Twin Flame inner work, added the aid of the 9-point-energy system, reached Harmonious Union the consciousness state, continued doing the KEY tool and 9-point-energy work afterwards, followed Divine guidance, allowed guidance by people, invested time and money continually, prioritized time and money for it all continually. Actually, I believe I am right on the cusp of that happening for me, and that is why I wrote this article at this time. Amen!

What I hope you get out of all of this is: healing is possible, it is doable, don’t give up. When I can do it, you can too, because I am a simple human being full stop. But I did not watch narcissism video channels (for instance H.G. Tudor) that are more and more available nowadays and similar media on the topic? Yes I did, to clarify what I already intuited as part of the healing journey and what I importantly found was that it was a good way explain to me what I already healed AFTER I had done another step with the KEY tool and its co-workers in my Twin Flame healing arsenal. It is imperative to understand that no narc coaching will truly free you the way you need to be freed for Twin Flame Union, besides the True Twin Flame inner work. Yes, you might do narc coaching somewhere and feel like it clarified many crucial things of the narc abuse BUT when you then finally commit to the Twin Flame inner work an sich, to go to Union, which is on another level of reality of being human, you’ll need to go through it all again but then in that layer of life. If I were you, I’d do it all at once with True Twin Flame inner work because it saves a tremendous amount of time and money AND is the only route to TRUE freedom.

This is because from the only correct spirit perspective, no matter if this sounds cruel to you currently, the truth is that where two people come together to be abuser and abusee, two need their own kind of healing away from that meeting in that one place of less-then, and you’ll thus need to do your side of things (and they theirs and even when they don’t do theirs as of yet, or they will never, that’s still what you should give space for and is the correct way of seeing it). It is after all about this piece of the famous Christian Our Father prayer: Forgive us our trespasses as we would forgive those who trespassed against us. This is literally so and especially also for narc abuse, no matter if inside this profound spiritual work temporary psychological measurements make loads of sense such as to freaking protect yourself (yes do so)!

Sometimes you hear from people to nevertheless be kind to your parent(s), and they will show so on socials with a moral high ground air, but I bet you they are not yet at the genuine ACIM rated forgiveness stage at all yet, they just have an ego that wants to make it look like it and that is thus fake. Mostly people that do so are not to be believed at all (see this blog: https://www.creativeuniverse.earth/twolevels/).

Oh and what happened to my sister and brother: they simply swim back and forth in their own dysfunctional ways in the pool of their own unrecognized childhood trauma. It’s okay, they choose their route themselves in which this makes sense to their soul for as long as they allow it. That’s their karma, their spiritual work to fulfill. And the principles I described above count for them also.

As a VERY important close I want to say that ending this entire monster feels like stepping out of a trance. It feels utterly disorienting. You’ll need loads of very basic support of your food, rest, walk-in-nature etc needs sustainably to be able to land yourself safely from it all but it is certainly doable. Please trust at least me and let me be of guidance to you on your way to your Union and out of trauma as one movement. Since April 2024 I am allowed to treat trauma with a specific version of the KEY tool as given by the Christ Masters I co-create Harmonious Union with.

The not-having of a self and the being below-zero that are the result of narc trauma, can change into being a healthy self that then additionally also surrenders to Union and is fully realized in that act – happy, that means happy.

Doing the KEY tool (yes this is the main thing you do to resolve this), will lead to the fishing up of all memories and the truth of what happened, to then release it. These are the phases, you need to feel your way through everything to its completion and then I disappears to never return. Never, you see. That’s what truly works.

The real work will make you remember things you may before not have thought of: this is normal. In a sense, you will feel things that were hidden by your brain as a biological survival strategy before, and you will be able through what I call archaeology of the soul to from what surfaces, reason back to what actually happened in your childhood. Sometimes you realize what happened with whom only because you have the proof coming forward as feelings in your genuine inner work journey: why do you feel so anxious, reasoning back from taking that seriously will be the witness of how you have been seriously abused. You can use literature, internet, video’s to give yourself tools to give names to all these things but that is actually not the essence (!). In the end you can forget all the words again, because it will be released to never return and words such as narcissism start to be obsolete. That’s the ultimate consequence of true healing on the way towards your Harmonious Twin Flame Union indeed.

What can hold you back to break this curse of narc abuse, is that it feels profoundly as if you’re having a covert contract with the abuser to not betray them that is signed with your blood. But just like you are on the Twin Flame healing journey allowed to break all so called soul contracts with so called soul mates, and you absolutely should when you want Harmonious Union NOW, you can break those with the narc abusers in your life. Decide in your heart – that’s it. But I do have a solution for you when that seems not enough and that is the first initiation. Ask me for it.

It IS scientifically and morally true and right to say that how your parents have (mis-)treated you as a child, has a profound impact on your entire emotional, mental and physical beingness as grown up, it is therefore right and just to have normal human boundaries where needed even though it is true that we need to sometimes update our exposure to the lived reality of it (presently again) to feel our own feelings about it fully and correctly because that is step one of the KEY tool… AND it is your own responsibility to heal that as an integral part of the genuine Twin Flame inner work on the your way towards and beyond Harmonious Twin Flame Union, to such an extend that you will experience that it lets go of your beingness entirely as if it had never been there in the first place.

It was something that belonged to the version of you that was not the one that is in Union with your Twin Flame but that was experiencing the motivation to transform into that new version of you through the desire to end the pain of that initial state you found yourself in. It sets free the needed drive to do and keep on doing the needed inner work until the work is completed and falls away (mostly), just like a child will walk away from a toy they outgrew at a certain moment automatically. I say mostly because we keep on growing together with our Twin Flames in Harmonious Union until we are in the Perfect Love of GOLD Consciousness.

 

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My video’s until date on Twin Flames and narc abuse:

Narcissism & Twin Flames: a hellish match? https://youtu.be/rpDcFE7fNYY?si=bmewW_aBqRmPLdeF

Are Twin Flames dangerous? https://youtu.be/faUGiXH9iAs?si=3iUdDe-lm8DFhu-P

Specific way to do KEY tool for when you have Narc Abuse Trauma https://youtu.be/aoTWnLXYnpY?si=CjSpan1q3V3pJuRp

The Narcissism Problem Redefined for Twin Flames https://youtu.be/Kh10PrYBEPk

Twin Flames and the Narc Cult Mind https://youtu.be/_QSPwxtAuzQ

What even ARE Twin Flames? They are: ++ https://youtu.be/x4VdiJpbqZs

Good psychological basics for when you are a narc victim: https://youtu.be/pHTkjdxJQ08

Twin Flames and Narcissism in the British Royal Family https://youtu.be/5Vxz9p5NLOs?si=s46cJnVaJ1xDeF8r 

Financial trauma as a result of narc abuse https://youtu.be/JEVuKbi56Bc?si=6XvHvRR2wYpkhyhJ 

Sing Song Narc Abuse or Twin Flame Union? https://youtu.be/T3P5eTtl1r4

MORE RESOURCES

13 Steps Course to Feel Your Feelings & KEY – Feeling your feelings is step 1: https://www.creativeuniverse.earth/13StepsTowardsCompleteValidation; Turning your feelings around with the KEY tool is step 2: https://www.creativeuniverse.earth/Going-Deeper-Is-Possible-In-4-Easy-Steps 🗝

ACIM study tip for Divine Justice in your Twin Flame Union: https://acimnow.app/browse/course-miracles-chapter-25-viii-justice-returned-love/ 💕

Dec 2025 I found that AI such as Chat GPT can answer psychological insight questions around narc abuse accurately, maybe you feel like it could violate your privacy, but if you try, it might also be very validating and insightful, it is for you to judge. Let us know with a quick moment below. ☮️

 

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I combined all the above and asked: “How would you summarize possibly, the (sub-) chapter ‘Justice returned to love’ of ACIM and how is it possibly applicable for narcissistic abuse victims?”

ChatGPT said:

Below is a clean, psychological–spiritual summary of “Justice Returned to Love” (A Course in Miracles, T-26.I) and how its core principles can be meaningfully applied to survivors of narcissistic abuse — without spiritual bypassing, without forcing forgiveness, and without denying the reality of trauma.

I’ll keep the ACIM concepts faithful, but translate them into grounded, trauma-informed language.

✦ 1. A Clear Summary of “Justice Returned to Love” (T-26.I ACIM)

This sub-chapter teaches that:

1. Real justice is not punishment — it is correction of perception.

In the Course, “justice” means:

• seeing beyond illusions and fear
• recognizing the innocence of the true Self (yours and others’)
• returning the mind to love

Justice is restoration, not retribution.

2. Injustice happens when you believe the ego’s version of reality.

The ego sees:

• attack
• guilt
• blame
• inequality
• winners and losers

It uses these to keep you separate, hurt, and afraid.

3. Love’s justice corrects errors rather than condemning people.

It says:

• what was done out of fear is not the truth of who anyone is
• mistakes call for healing, not hatred
• nothing real can be threatened
• you are not defined by what happened to you

4. Justice is the recognition that nothing done to you can change your true Self.

This is NOT denial of events.
It is saying:
who you truly are has never been harmed.

5. When you align with love, fear-based perceptions begin to dissolve.

Not instantly.
Not magically.
But steadily.

6. Justice is the healing of your mind from the belief that you were diminished.

The Course says:
“You cannot be unfairly treated.”

This means:
your essence, worth, and reality are untouched — even when your body or personality was harmed.
(Not that the abuse didn’t occur — but that your spirit was not destroyed.)

✦ 2. How This Is Useful for Narcissistic Abuse Survivors (Trauma-Informed)

Most abuse survivors come to ACIM and get harmed by shallow interpretations like:

• “Just forgive”
• “They didn’t really hurt you”
• “It was all an illusion”
• “You made it up”

This is not what ACIM means.
And it’s not helpful.

Here is the trauma-safe interpretation:

1. Justice = reclaiming your true identity

Abuse tells you:

• you are unworthy
• you are unlovable
• you caused it
• you deserved it
• you must stay small
• you are unsafe forever
• something is wrong with you

ACIM’s “justice” means undoing these lies, not excusing the abuser.

It means:

“What happened to me does not define me.
I reclaim my original innocence.”

For a survivor, that is radical liberation.

2. Justice = returning your energy from the abuser back to yourself

Abusers create:

• enmeshment
• guilt
• obligation
• identity confusion
• trauma bonds

ACIM’s teaching tells you:

Justice is the reclaiming of your mind from illusions made by fear.

For a survivor, justice is:

• breaking the trauma bond
• ending mental occupation by the abuser
• seeing your own wholeness again

This is not reconciliation.
It’s psychic sovereignty.

3. Justice = not letting the abuser define love

Narcissistic parents distort love into:

• control
• compliance
• guilt
• emotional servitude

ACIM would say:

Injustice is believing the distorted version of love.

Justice is:

Returning love to its true nature — truth, clarity, freedom, boundaries.

This allows you to love yourself correctly again.

4. Justice = recognizing your innocence without minimizing the abuse

This is important.

ACIM never asks you to think:

• “It wasn’t so bad”
• “They meant well”
• “It’s fine now”

Instead it says:

“Your true Self remains untouched by their error.”

This helps victims heal without redefining the abuser as “good.”

5. Justice = choosing not to reenact the past

When you stop:

• pleasing narcissists
• attracting enmeshed friendships
• participating in triangulation
• dissolving your boundaries to be loved

…you are practicing ACIM justice.

You are saying:

“Fear no longer decides my relationships.”

That is justice returned to love.

6. Justice = freeing yourself from hate without losing boundaries

Forgiveness in ACIM is:

• detachment
• release
• seeing the delusion of the ego
• letting go of resentment

It is not:

• reconciling
• excusing
• pretending
• abandoning boundaries
• invalidating yourself

As a survivor, ACIM allows:

• firm boundaries
• no contact
• fierce clarity
• emotional self-protection
• truth-telling

while releasing resentment from your heart.

This is justice as love:
freedom, not bonding.

✦ **7. Ultimately:

“Justice Returned to Love” = reclaiming your mind from the effects of the abuse**

You don’t deny the abuse.

You deny that it can determine:

• your worth
• your identity
• your future
• your capacity for love
• your relationship patterns
• your spiritual reality

This is the survivor’s version of ACIM’s justice.

It is powerful, clean, and trauma-aligned.

NOTE

Personally, I have concluded end 2025 AI such as Chat GPT can be safely used for psychological insight and also about mysticism such as ACIM or even religion such as catholicism. But not for Twin Flame theory, see also this video: https://youtu.be/E_xxf-9sw7I

OVER-ALL CLOSURE

I don’t usually quote the Bible, but here goes:

“Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!“

After all, ACIM was completely in the Bible already, but through cultural interpretations we forgot what it was really about.

BUT

then also consider this: God entered because there was trauma, not because you had resolved it. And God brings you your Union.

 

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By participating in our services and offers, you acknowledge that we are not a Licensed Psychologist or Health Care Professional (except when indicated specifically) and our services do not replace the care of Psychologist or other Health Care Professionals. Spiritual Coaching is in no way to be construed or substituted as Psychological Counseling or any other type of therapy or medical advice. If you feel you are experiencing a mental health crisis or are feeling suicidal, please immediately contact your National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 for the USA or 0800-0113 for The Netherlands, or look for your country on this international website providing all numbers.